My heart sank this morning when a lightbulb went off as I was once again replaying our conversation with the director of CC in my mind. I knew exactly what had happened/was happening and I became sick to my stomach (of course, I've been maintaining a knotted stomach all week that would turn instantly nauseous everytime the phone rings until I would see on the caller id that it was not CC).
I invited Charlotte on a walk and she happily jumped in the wagon. We began pacing the campus until I could no longer contain my tears and we went and found Michael and hung out where he was working until lunchtime. I shared with him over lunch (what little I could stomach, even though it was delicious) my worse fear: Mr. Patin was only humoring us by letting us meet with him but was going to have nothing to do with the decision making. His social worker had already made up her mind and when he said we would hear from them hopefully by the end of the week, it would actually be by letter from the social worker.
I tried to nap the afternoon away and when Michael got home he called Mr. Patin. I was exactly right. He could not give us the reason for our rejection but said that it would be explained in the letter our social worker was sending us. I asked if he made the decision and he said that she did and he supported her and I asked if the letter was how they were planning on informing us and he said "yes". We exchanged many other words, of which I see no need to repeat, because the bottom line is we are done working with Catholic Charities.
I was so frustrated this morning because I was experiencing anxiety like never before. I kept praying Phil. 4:6-7 and begging for peace but was really struggling. Amazingly....thankfully....I'm now resting in His peace once again (doesn't mean I might not burst into tears when asked how I'm doing or empathy is expressed). Yes, I'm disappointed and no, I don't understand. We will explore our other options and continue to pray for wisdom and guidance and clarity. In the meantime...
...I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.