It's 2:30 AM.....this is a dangerous time to expose my thoughts and feelings, but, nonetheless, I'm hoping this outlet will help so I can get some rest.
Update from yesterday: We got the fourth call to say we will be receiving an unfavorable home study but can meet with the director to appeal. We called him and he expressed his two concerns being our paycheck size and the number of children in our care and set up an appointment to meet with us next Tuesday.
My emotions at this point: shock, confusion, devastation, hurt...
What aches me, what is causing the throbbing in my head, the burning in my eyes and the knot in my stomach, is not the loss to me (although I can't even begin to think about explaining this to our kids) but to that child. To say that it is better for him to remain an orphan than to receive a home, our home, is the response of a goat, not a sheep. To say that we are too busy and don't have enough worldly wealth was the response of the priest and levite, not the samaritan. And yet thinking along these lines is what is causing me to lose yet another night of sleep.
So I've come to my Bible, and clinging to the hope and knowledge of God's sovereignty I read all the verses from my concordance that contain the word "praise." And I rest on this chapter from Psalm (43):
Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; rescue me from deceitful and wicked men. You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Friends, please continue to pray for us as we prepare for our final meeting with Catholic Charities next Tuesday as a last opportunity to show our ability to provide, physically and emotionally, for an orphan. Please pray that through this process we will dwell in the shelter of the Most High and rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Thank you.
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My heart is breaking for you! I will certainly be praying!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this, guys! We're hurting for you and praying with you.
ReplyDeletePlease Contact me any time.....we have been through this.....and have known in our hearts it was wrong. Tears are flowing because I can feel your hurt. PRAYING WITH YOU!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry- if you go to our blog we have our e-mail contact...e-mail me and I will get you our phone number too if you want .....Praying!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read this. We will pray for you and your family. We went through quite a bit to have to prove our ability financially to adopt. It was filled with sleepless nights and upset stomachs. Praying you hear the words "approved" today.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you as you endure this struggle. I truely feel your heart, and love how real you have been in your posts and how you cling to God and His Word. Praying for God's blessings upon your family. -Brenda Fleming
ReplyDeleteI haven't even met you, Audrey, and I just burst out crying. Let's pray together that this wrong is made right. Let's pray for one advocate to push your adoption through.
ReplyDeleteWhat terrible news, I am so sorry. I will pray that hearts and minds will be changed.
ReplyDeleteAudrey, I am so sorry to hear this, and am praying that God will prove Himself mighty to save your child!!! We very nearly went through this with our homestudy (we're also in ministry...perhaps it's along the lines of being spitefully treated on account of Him). In fact, we were trying to adopt siblings, and our social worker flat out refused, all on account of our finances, knowing full well that our church provides housing and utilities, blah blah blah. So I can relate with the pain you're feeling, and if you want to contact me feel free...I am praying with you and crying with you right now.
ReplyDeleteOh, Audrey! I cannot believe this is happening to you guys! I admire your realness (is that really a word?). May God remove these obstacles that you are facing. May he soften the heart of your caseworker. Or may He guide you to the right caseworker! :o) Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI am praying that there is a post in your future that links back to this one and reminds many of God's goodness and how he makes all things possible.
ReplyDelete