fear revealed

I had a flashback from my childhood this evening as I spread out all of our dossier documents on the dining room table for the sole purpose of looking at them. I remembered lining up all my freshly purchased school supplies on the floor days before that much anticipated first day of a new grade and lying on my belly, head propped in my hands, staring at the utensils and imagining the thrill of organizing them in my new desk and eventually putting them to use. Hmmmm, I guess I just confessed to being a geek. We are SO close (or so I think) to sending our dossier to Ethiopia, which is a HUGE step in this process, and as much as I daydream happy thoughts of meeting our son for the first time, I fear our trip to Africa.

One thing this whole adoption journey has done in me is grow my desire to give more. I want to give it ALL away...time, energy, resources. This world is not my home and I don't want to be comfortable in it. I possess HOPE that too many have not even heard of. There is no joy or satisfaction in living for self, and yet I'm selfish and my priorities are out of whack. I'm afraid when I experience a world completely deficient of the luxuries that I consider basic amenities and full of a people who know what it is to live in want I am going to face an utter contempt for our society. I am anticipating our time in Ethiopia to change us, and I'm scared.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdP6PqsbJY&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=MLGxdCwVVULXcCM_1zMMoMRza_NKgVpwJZ